Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
