why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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