People with herpes should wear stickers.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
