I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
