So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
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