Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
