how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
