I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
