If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
