as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize
