Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
