So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Its about making memories worth repressing
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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