I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
