i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
