Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
This baby is an asshole
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
