I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
