hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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