At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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