Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
