you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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