Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
