I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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