He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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