My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
