If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
