It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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