well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
