Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
