There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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