i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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