We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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