allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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