You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
