How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
