Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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