would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
