I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize