My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
