he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
