Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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