Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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