people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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