and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize