I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize