He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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