I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
