from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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