Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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