...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
no, he came in my armpit
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
