so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
