i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Just pee around me
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
