Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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