Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
