I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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