he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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