I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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