Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
