I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
