it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
