im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
