What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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