so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
