Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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