im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I believe in your delicious
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
