You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
