Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
he told me I talked like a deaf person
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
This is my gift to your gina
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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