You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
