Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
