I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
