We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize