I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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