Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
