My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
