I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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