it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
