Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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