I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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