I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
