I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
