there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize