i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
