If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
