It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
