And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize