When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
