OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize