you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
there's paper in my vomit.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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