If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
