I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
