I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
