She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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