dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
