Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
My breasts were aching with rage.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
