I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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