Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Randomize
