I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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