I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize