brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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