at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
