Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
