my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
