I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
